My life, soundtrack and all :)

this is the closest you will come to understanding how my mind works :)

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Angsty rant that you can ignore if you want.

Normally I rant about things that piss me off, reasons why people are stupid, and things that I think sold change. In this rant I'm just upset because it's all my fault for being an asshole.

So I got into a squabble with one of my closest friends, the one with the big hair. I invited him to come see me in much ado about nothing (I only had 19 lines, but I didnt think that Nik-my boyfriend-was going to be able to make it, and none of my other close friends were willing to make time for it-except Megan, I love you megan, you're my favorite!- so I really wanted someone there who I knew). I told him it would mean a lot to me if he came, and he old me the same thing he says when the subject of spending money does up: "I'd rather spend it in Europe". (a breif explaination: he's going on a trip through europe NEXT SUMMER and it's all he's talked about since he found out). It was $5. He knew how badly I wanted him to come. And he does douchey shit like this on a regular basis. I hung up, cancelled our plans to hang out, and told him to go fuck himself. We haven't talked since.

For the next week I didn't think much about it. I knew I was right and that he was a douche and that was the extent f my thoughts on the matter. Then on the second night of much ado, I came home afterward and my mom was watching clueless. I instantly thought of him because one of the first times we hung out outside of school we went to my house and watched clueless, and ever since then whenever the topic of attractive celebrities comes up we have to mention how badly we both want to bang Alecia Silverstone. That bummed me out a little bit, but I wasnt really upset until today when I heard a really awful-yet-kinda-clever pun (I forget how it went) and I immediately thought f him. I even took out my iPad to text it to him, but then I remembered that we arent talking.

Here's something slightly embarrassing: every night that much ado ran, I was secretly hoping that he would decide to show up anyway. Nope.

This is all so stupid. I have now lost one of my close friends over five fucking dollars.

Have fun with your five dollars motherfucker. You know five American dollars is only worth 3.8 euros.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Ranty rant: grown-ups.

Grown-ups suck. I'm not talking about people who are over 18 (like the lovely and talented Megan) or even people in positions of authority, necessarily. I'm talking about AHH-dults. Ma-TO-ure AHH-dults (a brief explaination: you know you're a grown-up when you stop saying "grown-up" and start saying adult, but the way you pronounce it is all fucked up and it sounds like "AHH-dult". And you stop saying "mature" and start saying "ma-TO-ure").  The kind of people who

-take themselves all super-seriously

-think fun is a waste of time

-act like anything that's not "normal" is taboo, and

-forget what it's like to be young.

In this Ranty rant, I will mainly be focusing on that last one.

Ugh!  They're just so patronising. They don't even try to empathise with us. The last time I got truly good advice from an adult (which is different than an AHH-dult, in that they are old and experienced enough to be grown-ups but have decided to be normal people instead) was two years ago. Since then I've had to rely on my own instincts (well, and the Internet) for advice.

Yes, I understand that you're too busy doing grown-up things to worry about us youngsters. Yes, I understand that our problems aren't important. Yes, I understand that in five years we will forget all about it.

But... It's so difficult to do alone.

Don't they remember how much growing up sucked?  I mean seriously, who actually likes growing up? Ages 11-17 basically consist of a whole lot of suck. We try our best to just enjoy ourselves, but sometimes it's impossible to ignore things (side note: why do grown ups try to tell us that these are "the best years of our lives"?  That can't possibly be true. If it was, suicide rates would be much higher. If these are the best years of my life, I don't even want to know what adulthood is gonna be like).


Maybe that's what The difference between normal adults and AHH-dults is! The normal ones remember their teen years in vivid, painful detail; the AHH-dults just remember the highlights and spend their free time wishing they were carefree teenagers, so they take it out on us because they're jealous.

It's just like the episode of Buffy the vampire slayer where the girls mom casts a spell to make them switch bodies because she thinks her daughter is wasting her youth because she isn't on the cheer leading squad and she stays home and reads on the weekends instead of going o parties, so she takes over her daughters life and just generally fucks things up until Buffy, Giles and willow find a way to undo the spell and imprison the mom's soul in a cheer leading trophy.

...back to reality. I feel like grown-ups are getting less and less stable as time goes by. Today, a lady who must have been in her early-to-mid 50's came in and asked if we had found her car keys, and when we said no she sat down and cried. For three hours. This 55-year-old lady sat in the bakery and cried about her lost car keys for three hours. During these three hours, she must have come up to me three hundred times and asked if I had found them yet. After three hours of hysterical sobs, she asks if she can use our phone to call a locksmith (she's still crying while she does this, by the way, just not quite as hard as before). She calls them, asks me for the address of he bakery, and then sits back down. After five minutes or so, she starts bawling again, comes up to the phone, and calls the locksmith and wails "WHY AREN'T YOU HERE YET?!?" into the phone.

Is that what being a grown-up is like? Do you lose your shit entirely over random little inconveniences? Do they all end up like this eventually? The children may be our future, but these are our role models. WHERE HAVE ALL THE SANE ONES GONE?

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Ranty rant: religious hypocrites

Time for a gay marriage rant post.

I recently saw a picture on Facebook that was supposedly written by an "8 and 3/4" year old boy about how he has two moms and he thinks it's unfair that they can't get married. While I appreciate the sentiment,something about the note just seemed dishonest-kind of like this letter that was published in the southwest journal (the local newspaper in my neighborhood) which claimed to be from a nine-year-old girl. She was saying that we should get rid of the Victorias Secret store in my neighborhood because, and I quote, "the women in the pictures in the windows look really unhappy" and "women aren't objects who were made for you to look at". Now I don't approve of objectifying women either, but Victoria's secret isn't a strip club-it's an underwear store. And when is the last time any of you saw a Victoria's secret model and thought she "looked really unhappy"? That's bullshit. Furthermore, I highly doubt a nine year old girl who is intelligent enough to understand and care about women being objectified (something I didn't give a flying fuck about at that time. I was busy doing kid stuff) would be dumb enough not to realize that a store that sells underwear would have models n their underwear. My mom and I came to the conclusion that it was actually some adult extremist feminist chick who was writing from a 9-year-olds point of view because she thought it would get someone's attention. The letter from the boy with two moms felt just like this one.

So I clicked on the comments to see if anyone else found this letter to be obviously fake, and found that it had turned into one of those Christians vs. Athiests wars where the Christians are repeating "marriage is between a man and a woman homosexuality is a sin" and all the Athiests were repeating "love is love and it doesn't matter quit blindly following a book!". It was a complete and total clusterfuck with very little actual logic involved. So I would like to tell all the Christian extremists why their arguments is invalid.

Yes, the bible says homosexuality is a sin. But you know what else it says is a sin?

-eating shellfish

-interacting with a woman who is on her period

-Using a condom


-oral sex

-having sex in a position other than missionary


-eating pork


-wearing clothing made of more than one type of fiber (like cotton/polyester blends)

-working on Sundays

So if you have never done any of these things-if you are a vegetarian guy with a big bushy beard and a fuckton of kids because you never use a condom, who has never watched porn or said a swear word, who has never spoken to a girl who was on her period or had sex in a position other than
missionary-then I give you mad props for your dedication if nothing else and I will admit that thou art holier than I. Until you quit doing all of these things, however, you are in no place to judge.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Ranty rant: actors.

Before I start ranting, I feel it is necessary to mention the fact that I am an actor and most of my close friends are musicians, so I know what I'm talking about.
Today, while waiting for my mom to hurry up and drive me to rehearsal, I picked up a book that has been lying on my shelf untouched since Christmas (don't you just love it when grandparents buy you books for Christmas? Side note: when I was about fourteen and reading the "sisterhood of the traveling pants" series, my sisters grandma actually confiscated it because she thought it "wasn't age appropriate". A book targeted at teenagers wasn't age appropriate for a teenager. Whatever! There isn't actually a sex scene, it's just implied. Grandparents don't know anything.) and I read a little short story, supposedly written from the perspective f an actress. She talks about how she's never cast in anything because she doesn't have the "right kind of personality". How all the actors who are cast as leads wear crazy outfits and are super loud and dramatic and always need attention
Let me tell you something about actors. This is the difference between a good air and a shitty actor that nobody wats to work with: good actors are just regular people who like acting. Shitty actors are people who try to have the "right kind of personality" and dress crazy and draw all sorts of attention to themselves.

This winter, I was a stage hand for my schools musical (I go to a performing art school, btw, so this wasnt just your average high school musical. We got to go to an actual theater downtown and had really nifty costumes and everything. It was a good show). The show had about 4 or 5 main roles and about 45 chorus members. I feel like you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat ceratin people-such as waitresses, cashiers and stage hands. A lot of the chorus members were normal and just let us do our job. A few of them, however, were unbelievably rude. I won't name names or get into specifics, but in short, they acted as if the entire show revolved around them. Like "I'm an actor, you're a stage hand, I'm obviously more important". Your stereotypical actor personality
The leads, however, we're great. They were all so friendly and helpful. Sometimes in a really crazy scene change, the director will ask the actors to help move ate pieces. Cme on, we had 50 actors and 6 stage hands. And sme of these set pieces were crazy-not the sort of thing that six people can move in 5 seconds, no matter how fast we move. On one occasion, we asked someone to help us with something really simple-there was a box on stage, and in the scene change we needed it moved to a mark about three feet away. When it came time to do that, the person never showed up! Why? I don't know.  I asked them and they said they were no longer willing to do it because they had "more important things to do". They weren't in the next scene, so it wasn't like they needed an urgent costume change. That I would have understood. This person offered no good reason
A lot of them were like this.  They weren't willing to help out, but if we were having trouble doing it all by ourselves they got on our case about it. (I would also like to point out that tech week exists so we can do things like work out the scene changes and make sure they are perfect so that doesn't happen during the actual performance. If we mess something up in rehearsal, WE KNOW and we are dying to fix it. Also, you can pretty much guarantee that the stage manager already bitched us out for it. We don't need the actors to do it too.)

The leads were always willing to help out with set pieces when we didn't have enough hands.  They kept track of their own props and costume pieces and didnt blame us when they misplaced something. They didn't put food or drinks on the prop table. And if they had an issue with something that we did, they say it nicely, like "hey the set piece wast on its mark and it messed me up a little bit..." to which we would probably reply "oh yeah I'm so sorry about that, we got a little mixed up but we worked it out". Whereas one of the chorus members felt it was necessary to run up to me yelling "THAT CANNOT HAPPEN DURING THE PERFORMANCE! YOU'RE GOIN TO FUCK UP THE ENTIRE SHOW!" 

Guys, do yourselves-and the techies-a favor and quit taking yourselves so damn seriously. When you are the next Meryl Streep or Patti LuPone and you have earned the right to be arrogant, by all means go ahead. But for now, just act like a normal person who happens to like acting instead of a diva. And for gods sake, take responsibility for your own shit! No, I do not have your tie. No, I haven't seen your tie. No, it's not my job to keep track of your tie. Ask the costumer. 

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Ranty rant: objectifying women

This rant has been brewing for days now, I must unload it on someone. It's no secret that men objectify women all the time. Not necessarily in a damaging way, but at some point or another, every guy has commented on a girls looks-a girl he has never met or talked to before. It could be a celebrity, a hot waitress, a supermodel... Anyone like that. Every guy, at some point or another, has thought to himself "she's hot". (Unless, of course, they're not into girls, in which case they've thought "he's hot" about someone they've never really spoken to). Same for girls-at some point, you've looked at a guy and said "he's super foxy" (or something along those lines). Technically speaking, this counts as objectification-seeing someone whom you do not know personally only for their looks. So we're all guilty of objectifying a person in some way at some point. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty where you see it. But you have to remember that there is more to people than you see on the surface. With that in mind, its also no secret that some men see and/or treat women literally like objects to be used for sex rather than people-not all men, mind you, but they're definetly out there. This is a problem for many reasons. But that's not what my ranty rant is about. My ranty rant is about women who not only allow themselves to be objectified, but seem to encourage it. I'm sure most of you have seen that Facebook picture with the girl saying "ummm girls, did you know that your boobs go in your shirt?" and a few parody versions of it. Well, today I saw one that had three girls who looked to be about fourteen or fifteen that said "hey guys, did you know that your dicks go in our mouths?" The last picture had all three of them pointing into their open mouths. I find this both disgusting and infuriating. It's one thing for guys to treat us like sex objects. We can't control their behavior, all we can do is avoid guys like that. It is a whole other issue altogether when WOMEN ARE OBJECTIFYING THEMSELVES! Especially when they start as young as fourteen yeas old! This sort of mindset is incredibly damaging. But that's not all. A person whom I am quite close with was recently told to "get in the kitchen like all the other girls" by her own father. Coming from a guy (even a father) that's one thing, but all the women in her family were actually in the kitchen, cleaning and cooking, while the men watched football. I swear to god I am not making this up. This is how it is at their house all the time. Women have come a long way in the past century or so. Yet in 7th grade when I wanted to do my history day project on the women's rights movement, I couldn't find ONE book on the topic anywhere in my school's gigantic library. The only nformation I could find on the topic came from the encyclopedia, in the tiny paragraph-long entries on Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Because of this, my teacher made me change my topic. Looking back, I'm surprised that my (female) teacher was less concerned with this turn of events than I was. Every February, we celebrate black history month-which is important, don't get me wrong, but how many people remember celebrating women's history month in March? I guess these are the points I'm trying to make: -sexism is still an issue -women are just as responsible for eliminating sexism as men are, if not more so, and -we shouldn't be brushing off women's history as a minor detail. Think about how damaging it is to a girls self-esteem to be treated as an object to be used for cooking, cleaning and sex. Think about how pissed everyone would be if schools weren't teaching the civil rights movement as a part of history class. Think about where you see sexism in your life. Maybe we can all brainstorm a way to eliminate sexism once and for all if we all take the time to notice these things.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

In which i am super mega happy Ezra...


I think this is the best mood i have ever been in in my entire life!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Trippy video!

Friend showed this to me. I like trippy videos.